Mom's Dementia Behaviors

I realize I am extremely fortunate that my mother is on the non-aggressive spectrum of dementia behaviors. Every day we share laughter and hugs and I count that a real blessing. This could change at anytime but for now we are very thankful.

It was my turn to take mom to church last Sunday and the previous week my sister had mentioned that mom would start clapping her hands when she was excited about what the preacher was saying. This is fine if you belong to a Pentecostal Congregation but for a somewhat conservative service, it can be a bit embarrassing.
The sermon began and mom said in a somewhat loud whisper, “He is talking too fast, I can’t follow it” “Just listen…” I was taking notes and trying my best to concentrate. Well, our pastor was ‘preaching it’ and suddenly mom burst out in applause. I didn’t really hold her back too much because it was something everyone should have applauded. A kind woman behind us gave mom an encouraging word and a pat of approval. So once again Pastor Dan was sharing another awesome Scripture and mom began to applaud, but this time I held Her hands down in her lap but she fought me to give another clap session of approval.
Finally I whispered in her ear, “Mom, let’s clap only when everyone else is clapping, okay?” “Oh, okay.”
She pursed her lips and shook her head up and down in agreement. She had her hands nicely folded
on her lap and again Pastor Dan gave an excellent point. She looked at me and said “I want to clap.”
I said “Hold on, Mom, don’t do it”. She smiled and seemed to clench her hands in restraint. Frustrated with
having to hold back she suddenly said “Let’s go now, I cannot understand him…yip yip yap yap yap yap”
then she randomly pulled my friend Marilyn’s’ hair in the row right in front of us. “Mom!” I whispered.       Marilyn turned and looked with surprise,  but knew my mom so it wasn’t an issue. Now why would she do that? Earlier in the service, she had asked me if Marilyn was Sylvia. “No, Mom that is not Sylvia.” Marilyn has long thick hair like my sister so I think she really didn’t believe me and wanted to see if it was or was not Sylvia by getting her to turn around.

By this time the service was almost over so we hung in till the closing. Mom raised her hand at every invitation for a response from the pastor including a Salvation alter call. Bless her heart. We made it to the end, but it was not the most relaxing service I had attended, to say the least. On the way out the foyer, we were exchanging smiles and good-byes and suddenly she gives a firm strong tap to a young man. He turned to look and I just smiled with an “I’m sorry” expression. Let’s get home!

It’s becoming more common whenever we go in public now, that mom exhibits some odd behavior. She will grab someone and say “Hello”, like they are a long lost friend or even reach out and playfully hit someone. Yes, that is what I said, she will hit people. Not hard, but enough to get a response. So far people seem to be kind and understanding because Mom is usually giving them a big smile. I am usually giving that ‘sorry’ in a whisper or silent mouthing it. I have been tempted to get mom a button to wear that says: “Excuse my behavior, I have dementia.” I’m not there “YET!”

So this week has gone pretty well. She did have two nights in a row that she slept or was in her area (meaning she could have been wandering in her hallway and bedroom in the middle of the night) for over 15 -16 hours. Like last evening, she said, “I’d like to go to bed” “Mom it’s only 4:30, we need to have dinner” “Oh”, 2 minutes later we go through the same conversation. Again 2 minutes later. “I don’t have any hunger and I’m going to bed” she got up and gave me a kiss and said she was going to go read in her room before bed. “Okay mom, Goodnight”. I made dinner and Michael and I ate by the TV…and finally went to check on her. She was sound asleep. I closed the blind and turned on her space heater. She didn’t stir. About 10 p.m. she got up and used the hall restroom and then came out to join us by the TV.  I told her what time it was and She said, “Oh, I go back to bed.” I tucked her in and it is now 7:00 a.m. and I'm hearing her getting dressed.

She’s has an occasional mishap where we need to do some cleanup or a necessary bath. But pretty much she makes it to the bathroom in time. But that symptom of losing control is advancing. She gained a couple, three or so pounds last weigh-in but has lost the weight again within a week. Skipping dinner will have that effect. Nurse Teresa and I both realized she had two pairs of pants on and several layers of shirts the last time, so that could have accounted for the slight weight gain. She is a bit more unsteady when she gets up but overall she is doing very well.

I am doing well. Mom has been showing a great deal of affection lately and that always gives me a power boost knowing that our sacrifices are appreciated. Friends and Sibs are supportive as well. God Bless.