Reunited in Heaven

Yesterday, March 26th, 2010 my sweet momma made the transition from life into death into eternal life! The transition was peaceful and her loved ones surrounded her. It was an amazing experience.

I am doing better than I expected. Many prayers are being lifted up on our families behalf and I feel 'lifted'.

The days before Mom passed were not easy. Her communication went from barely speaking, to nods and groans. The last two days we were in amazement as she communicated her love with tears as we spoke or sang to her. The last 36 hours, she experienced some stress in respiration which was so painful to witness. It was lessened with Morphine. We just prayed and prayed that the Lord would take her home. But God's timing is always perfect even if we can't see the reasoning on this side of the vail.

I called Hospice at around 6 a.m. The nurse showed up at our door close to 7:00 a.m. She walked in and immediately gave her a higher dose of Morphine and silently mouthed the words...'she will go in less than an hour'. What? I was in utter disbelief...I quickly called my brother to come. The Morphine worked wonders. Mom was almost situated in an upright position and seemed more at ease and her color was returning a bit. Soon, Jim and Marsha, Michael, Sylvia and I were surrounding her bed. Jim quoted scripture and we whispered our love to her. Within 45 minutes, We all watched her 'go'. It wasn't traumatic, or stressed, just peaceful. The tears flowed and how thankful we were that her suffering had ended and we KNEW without a shadow of doubt that she was present with the Lord.

Phone calls were made, more hugs, more calls, more hugs and everyone left except for sweet Sylvia my dear dear sister. Sylvia stayed all day and I will never trade that time or forget the memory. We each visited mom's room from time to time until almost 3 hours later her empty body was wrapped in the baby quilt she slept on and taken away.

We opened all the windows and the breeze swept through the entire house taking the sadness with it. Sylvia and I were both amazed at our ability to share laughter and go about our day with a sense of JOY. For me, it was so evident that the Lord's timing was so perfect. We were all together and it was so peaceful and Mom was free. Our faith is so strong that we know that Mom is truly where she longed to be and there was pure Joy for her.

Sylvia left after we cleaned out Mom's clothes out of the drawers and closet. Mom loved her clothes and each little article brought a smile. She was one snappy dresser. We enjoyed finding a random piece of jewelry pinned in odd places on her blouse or sweater. As mom's dementia progressed, she would wear several pieces of jewelry at once along with a ton of makeup. Sometimes with several layers of clothing. If we picked out an actual outfit, she would go along with you and put it on, but before long, she had changed into her own style.
I will cherish those times.

In the evening Michael and I joined our son for dinner. The diner was a busy place and no one around us knew what we had experienced that day. Life goes on. As Michael and I drove in the car much of our conversation was just one word "Wow". That one word seemed to encapsulate so much meaning for the both of us.

We came home to our house and it was just the two of us. For 9 months it's been 3 or more!I slept better than I have for a very long time. Life will go on and we are better people because we had the opportunity to watch someone live their life well. Mom was a Godly woman. Even at her most highly dementia stages she loved her praise songs and hymns. I still have visions of her lifting her hands in praise on her hospital bed. Tears flowing from her eyes. Oh how she loved Jesus her Savior. She was confounded by his love for her that He would die in her place on the cross to save her from her sin. Now she has seen Him face to face beholding his light, hearing him say "Well done, my good and faithful servant. Welcome home, Leny"

Mom's dear friend Tina said it best: "She was the most perfect person she had ever known". I agree. I'm inspired to be more, love more, serve more. Thank you Mom for being such an awesome example to me and all who had the privilege to know you and love you. The impact of your life will live on and on. Hugs and Kisses.

First day of Spring 2010

It’s a gorgeous day here in California and my sweet mother is trapped in a hospital bed waiting for the Lord to bid her to come home.
Our family was expecting two new babies this month. Mom’s 12th and 13th Great-Grandchildren. They both have been born and are healthy and thriving. We are thankful that Mom held on to hear the good news. After the second birth, it seemed Mom started letting go. It’s just a matter of time.
She doesn’t open her eyes anymore and she is not drinking or eating except for a spoonful or two when taking her medicine. Blanca (her caretaker) and I gave her a sponge bath today and it must have felt good because we got that glorious toothless smile that is making less and less of an appearance. It was really sweet. When she speaks, it’s usually in Dutch and I understand about 90% of it. Her voice is raspy and it seems to take effort to speak. I don’t believe she will ever leave that bed again alive. What a sobering thought.
But each day passes with just slight signs of decline. Being so close to her on a daily basis, I don’t recognize the symptoms of her decline, but others who come every few days see a drastic change. Every visit from Hospice leaves us baffled at how strong Moms’ vitals remain. She is just skin and bones. It breaks my heart.
Just the last few days her heart beat has risen and other signs of her body shutting down have become more evident. Her friends come to visit are in disbelief that she continues to hang on. One nurse told me this week that Mom is an Enigma. Even during her visit, Mom took 3 deep breaths and we all looked at each other, as she took a few moments to breathe again. We are so thankful that she isn’t in any pain. Everyone comments at her peacefulness.

I kept a baby monitor by my bed last night…the sound was off but the lights lit up as she breathed with more lights as she got louder. I woke up to check the lights throughout the night. The worry of her getting up out of bed is in the past. I remember when she first moved in having a camera on her bed and finding her in different rooms of the house. I’ll look back at this past 9 months and it will seem like just a blink of time. I am thankful but the waiting is wearing on me, I’m getting emotionally spent. It won’t be long.

February 24th thru March 2nd, 2010

Today is February 24th. My mother is slowing way down and is starting to have some trouble swallowing. We are giving her a thickening agent to make liquids easier to swallow. She has been drinking some milk and a nutritional drink called Boost. Mom takes a few spoonfuls of applesauce when I give her medicine . It’s been a very slow and peaceful decline. It just is hard to imagine that her wonderful life is in the last chapter.

The many different people coming in and out of mom’s room may be wearing on her a bit. We have had a few different caretakers, many different nurses from hospice, family, and friends…she made the comment today “So many looking over my bed…it will all be over soon.” It’s hard to read too much into what she says because she also said…”I hope Norma and Sylvia will come together soon” about what mom? I asked.
"Oh,one says do it this way and the other says do it that way.” I just chuckled. She has been naming her siblings and talking about parties. The other day she asked what day it was.."It's Monday Mom" "Well, that's not a very special day, but we can make it special".

Blanca is a caretaker we hired through a private service and she is a godsend. She is so tender and loving with my mother. My sister also stays 3 nights after work and spends the night. I’m now switching my help to cover days since my oldest daughter will be having a baby in the next couple of weeks. It’s amazing to see how the cycle of life plays out. One life leaving this earth in death, and another life entering the world through birth.

The week before this downturn, mom had some very lucid moments. She was eating some solids and even was using the walker a bit. She walked with support to the restroom from the bed and laughed about the ‘old fashioned bedside commode’. She requested to look at the photo album and had me read from the Bible. We also took some strolls outside while she was in the wheelchair and seemed to breathe in the warm weather air with a sweet appreciation of the beauty around her. I hadn’t seen that for many weeks. The nurse mentioned the fact that often there will be a final spurt of energy and clarity before a swift decline.

I just went in to check on Mom and give her some meds. Blanca has been by her side most of the day. We gave her some liquids through a straw just a bit at a time and then applesauce with her meds. She said clear as day. “Thank you for all the help you give me, thank you. I am praying that she will fall asleep and wake up in heaven very soon.

Today is the 2nd of March.
The nurse came again yesterday and noticed some significant changes and told us of things to expect. Mom was really cute with her and made us all giggle. She still has her sweet sense of humor. Florey (the nurse) said: “Open your eyes Leny, see how beautiful I am” Mom got such a giggle out of that and then opened her eyes and said in Dutch, “I like your black hair and your dark eyes, you are a beautiful woman.” After this very pleasant visit mom went to bed and didn’t get up or use the bathroom since. It’s been over 24 hours.

I slept in her room with her last night and around 2:30 a.m. I woke and asked her if she needed to use the restroom and she said, not yet. I warmed her hot water bottle and asked if I could get her anything and she said she was waiting..”For what, Mom?” I asked. “That Lady.” I said "okay Mom, let’s go back to sleep."

This morning, Beverly arrived to stay with Mom so I could go to Bible Study. Beverly and Mom have a very deep spiritual connection. As soon as she opened her eyes to see Beverly her heart overflowed and she told Beverly that she was Dying. This is the first admission to the obvious fact. Then, she started to cry. After some medications she settled down and they had a beautiful morning. Mom actually saw a vision of a woman standing by the bed, bidding her to heaven. The lady assured mom that this was not her final resting place. Mom asked Beverly if she saw the lady and Beverly asked her to tell her about her. It was an amazing vision and both Beverly and I were filled with Joy of how close and real that heaven was for my mom. I am not sure if the lady that mom was waiting for was Beverly or the one in the vision. But in my book, they are both ANGELS!

My Mother - My Best Friend Forever

As I sat by my mother’s side this morning, she talked in her sleep a little here and there but she was pretty peaceful and in a state of light slumber.  I had rubbed some moisture oil around her denture- free mouth to soothe her dry lips. You see, this is the third day that mom has not eaten and has not gotten out of bed  except to use the bathroom a few times a day.  It’s been 3.5 weeks since she took a fall.  Nothing broken but she couldn’t put any weight on it, so it’s been a slow gentle slope downward in her health.

As I sat there, stroking her hair I tried to hold her hand, but it was too cold.  She made a little joke about me keeping it in refrigerator , she gently pushed it away and pulled the covers closely around her neck.  I put on a DVD of the Gaither’s Homecoming album which celebrates the musicians and hymns sung at the Billy Graham Crusades.  Oh . the hymns are so precious.  Right now they are singing…”The King is Coming…Praise God He is coming for me”.   Mom loves the music and I do too.

This could be the last few weeks of her life.  But I have to add, she has surprised us before and sprung back from the lowest points .  One of her Hospice nurses said last week, “There is something Supernatural in that woman and I have quit trying to diagnose her, because she has surprised us so many times.”  It’s true!

 

Great Granddaughter "Molly" 

It’s been an honor to travel this journey with her .  These times bring many sentimental thoughts and snapshots of time.  Through the years, my Mom has truly been my best friend.  Memories of my preteens when the two of us would go to the local Humane Society to go see the many animals up for adoption, going grocery shopping, stopping at Wiener Schnitzel to get corn dogs and her teaching me how to knit, all small videos in my mind.  Fast forward to the time I talked to her about Michael and thinking about inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner.  Michael and I were broken up at the time and she said,    “You know you will be telling him you want to get back together again”.  I was so torn, I didn’t ask him to come on Thanksgiving, but a month later Michael and I were engaged. The timing was right.  I was only 17 at the time yet both mom and dad supported my decision.

I lived away from Escondido only 6 months after Michael and I were married, then we moved in with my parents while we completely renovated an old house on Vermont Street.  When everyone else was saying or thinking, just tear down that old shack and start over! Not my mom…she never discouraged us, in fact I do not recall her ever criticizing me about my mothering skills either.  Always an encourager.

While I was a young mother, mom and I spent a lot of time together, shopping, taking walks together or just hanging out watching the kids play.  I remember while the kids were in school, walking from her house on Soria Glen down to the local IHOP, sharing a “Viva La French Toast” with some coffee, then walking back to her house.  We would laugh about, what ‘good’  the exercise had done, but it sure is a great  memory.

Mom and Dad opened their home to us for Roast dinner on many a Sunday.  We were quite a crew of 6 and I look back and wonder if they ever got tired of us, but they never showed it, always welcomed us with open arms.

This morning while lying in bed, I told Michael I was going to start talking more about  Heaven with Mom.  Without thinking more about it,  I found myself having  a sweet conversation about her going ‘Home’ to heaven.  She said she hardly dares to believe it.  She smiled.

Moments later, In slumber she said “The Molen, the molen, can you see it?”  (Molen is windmill in Dutch)I said “Yes, I could.”  I told her that I thought God was preparing a Mansion shaped in a Windmill for her,  because she loved them so much.  She sang a little tune…”Oh the Molen, I will go there if you will be my wife”.  She asked me if I would be her “Frow” (wife), I said yes. I gave a giggle and she said very seriously, it’s nothing to laugh about’.  Hhhhmm?

Mom sat up a few times to get up and after sitting up for a few minutes , would  then decides to lay back down.  Sometimes it looked as if she gets startled,   so I asked her “What’s wrong mom?” She thought it was supper time and that she was late.  I asked her if she was hungry and she said “not really, I just have the feeling that I am late”.  “No mom, you are not late, I will wake you if it gets too late”.  She relaxed again and now she is back to sleep.

The only new medicine she has been taking now is a very low dose of pain medicine.  She continues to take Ativan, 3 times a day rather than 2.  I was giving her a laxative but now she is empty, so I am weaning her off for now until or if she starts to eat again.  Yesterday she got up and had very painful gas pains.  She was crying and then it turned to anger and was pushing everything away, including me.  I could see her just escalating to a bad place so I gave her the tiniest amount of morphine and she calmed back down.  Soon she was back to her very sweet self.

It’s going to be a very interesting next few weeks.  Will she bounce back? I don’t believe so, not this time, but I have learned not to make any predictions because we can all agree  “There is something supernatural in that lady.”

Sleeping Long Hours

(This post was written weeks ago in January but I just had a chance to finish it and post it today )
Just a short Update today.  For the last week, mom has been sleeping about 22 hours a day.  I know, it sounds amazing.  When she is up, she eats and eats like she is storing up for the winter. When she first wakes up, she is very disorientated but once she is up and around she is rather clear-minded and happy.

Her body temp is very low and she has trouble getting warm.  I have a portable heater in her room and keep her hot water bottle warm.  I have the blinds to bring in light during the day.  She very rarely uses the bathroom. Her color is not very good. 

Sylvia came at lunch last Tuesday as mom was asking for her all day on Monday and on Tuesday morning.  When she arrived she just stroked moms face and talked with her but there really was little response.  I gave Sylvia some lunch.  As we talked and reviewed some information Hospice gave us when we first got mom enrolled in the program, it appears mom is in the dying process.  Her metabolism is slowing way down.
As Sylvia was leaving she went in to see mom and got her slightly awake and mom said: "Heaven is a wonderful place...I want to go there".  Sylvia sang her the little tune that goes with the words and mom cracked a small smile but had her eyes closed.  She went back to sleep.  After Sylvia left, I checked on mom and she was just whispering....heaven, heaven, heaven.   So it's safe to say, she knows where she is going, and she is ready.  I called Hospice to come check on her because she was having quite a bit of the shakes and her breathing was irregular.  Then as I was waiting for them to come, mom got up and dressed and she was fine.

I am learning that nothing is routine or predictable.  I am not scared or in a state of panic. I am very peaceful.
The greatest gift is knowing where my mom is headed and she is at peace.

We found out that all the sleeping was due to a new medication mom was taking and once to changed the med she soon got back to 'her' normal.  It took some time to get out of her system.

Mom Is Getting Married! So She Says.

The Christmas season is ending and a New Year and decade begins.  It’s been six months since my mother moved in with us and it’s been an ‘adventure’ to say the least.  Nurse Teresa stopped by this morning and mom had a good check up.  She is strong, active, and healthy but getting more and more confused.  Her train of thought the last two days is that she is getting married again.  She has a man who visits at night and he apparently flew in from Holland.  Hey, this is a vast improvement of her previous preoccupation.   I would rather her talk about marrying someone than having her talk over and over again about the death of our family dog, Brodie.  He died just before Christmas.  Brodie was very compassionate with my mother and now that he is gone, the house seems very empty.  The hard thing was I had to rehearse my sadness along with her.  For a day or two she transferred the grief thinking it was a person in the family that died. So her moving on to marrying a person who is friendly and making her blush like a young bride is a welcome change.  Oh the mind, how complicated and confused it can be. 

Mom is sleeping more and more.  Sometimes she goes to bed as early as 4 p.m. and not get up till 9 or 10 the next morning.  Then, like last night she went to bed at 6 p.m. and got up at 5 a.m.  So there really is no pattern, each day is a different story.  We have resorted to putting a lock from the outside of her door.  We found that even the ability to roam a short hallway during the night was causing stress as she got to the point she could no longer find the door handle to get back into her room after visiting the hall bathroom.  To solve the problem of not finding her bathroom inside her suite, Michael removed the door.  She didn’t even mention the door missing to the bathroom or the fact that her door was locked. I wish we would have done that sooner.  It’s been going really well.  I have a baby monitor outside her door in case she panics and tries to knock on the door in the middle of the night. 

This morning I heard her around 6:30 a.m. making some sounds, went to check on her and she had been up for quite a while.She was packing, clothes everywhere, her dresser emptied and she had probably 5 layers of clothing on. I don’t even know how she manages to get one arm hole in correctly and then the neck of the blouse is somehow around her waist.  Sometimes her pajamas are on under her pantyhose.  It’s really sad but really funny at the same time.  This morning I was really out of it, I must have woken out of a  dead sleep because I just didn’t cope with it all, as well as usual.  I undressed her without many words and she was anxious to start the day…she said ‘Oh, the door is open’, and walked around the house looking for a cup of coffee and breakfast.  I followed her and gave her a banana started the coffee while half asleep.  After a while of me being in a daze she went back to her room and said “goodnight’ and back to sleep she went.   She slept till 10 a.m. when Nurse Teresa came.  The rest of the day went really good.  I was finally awake. Ha.   Later, we got her hair trimmed and joined Sylvia for lunch during her lunch break.  We came home and she watched a little TV and then decided it was time for bed. When she decides it’s time, there is no talking her out of it.

Recently Mom has been talking to invisible people pretty much on a daily basis.  She will give them a Bible study, or tell them about Molly.  She raises her voice and talks deliberately slower for them to understand her very clearly.  By the way, most of her talking is in Dutch.  I would say 90% of the time. This makes it somewhat challenging for Michael, her grandkids and caretakers.  I am amazed she doesn’t seem to notice that I am doing a lot interpreting for her.  I am so happy I understand most of it.  When I am not around for Beverly and Betty, they just play along.  That is, until she asks a question. 

Mom had a time she was terribly depressed.  That seems to have passed.  Her angry moments have lessened too.  She doesn’t sit much, unless she is sitting right next to someone.  Gone are the days when she would sit and listen to a podcast or watch a video on her own.  This makes accomplishing any tasks near to impossible when she is awake.  It does get very exhausting.  

I had a scary event a couple of weeks ago.  I went into her room to check on her in the morning and she was breathing really irregular and I couldn’t wake her.  She had rapid eye movement and when she opened her eyes she didn’t see me.  It was concerning so I called Hospice.  They were going to come but within 15 minutes, Mom was up and smiling talking about heaven.  I think she must have been in a deep, deep dream or vision.  Crisis over.  I actually stayed pretty calm during all that, even hoping that this indeed would be the sweet way she would transition into heaven one day soon.

Christmas Eve when all the kids were home was fun.  We ate early to make sure Mom would be able to join us and we let her open her gifts during dessert.  She loved being the center of attention.  Then off to bed she went and we had a nice family time with just the kids.  It was very relaxing.

Christmas morning she went to my sisters and had a great time with her family.  It was sobering to think that this may be our last Christmas with her.  Then again, if you observe her during her good times, you think, she may outlive some of us!  I’m glad that our Heavenly Father is the one who holds her future.  Father knows best.

Diary of Taking Care of Mom: Mom Has a Great Idea

Diary of Taking Care of Mom: Mom Has a Great Idea