First day of Spring 2010

It’s a gorgeous day here in California and my sweet mother is trapped in a hospital bed waiting for the Lord to bid her to come home.
Our family was expecting two new babies this month. Mom’s 12th and 13th Great-Grandchildren. They both have been born and are healthy and thriving. We are thankful that Mom held on to hear the good news. After the second birth, it seemed Mom started letting go. It’s just a matter of time.
She doesn’t open her eyes anymore and she is not drinking or eating except for a spoonful or two when taking her medicine. Blanca (her caretaker) and I gave her a sponge bath today and it must have felt good because we got that glorious toothless smile that is making less and less of an appearance. It was really sweet. When she speaks, it’s usually in Dutch and I understand about 90% of it. Her voice is raspy and it seems to take effort to speak. I don’t believe she will ever leave that bed again alive. What a sobering thought.
But each day passes with just slight signs of decline. Being so close to her on a daily basis, I don’t recognize the symptoms of her decline, but others who come every few days see a drastic change. Every visit from Hospice leaves us baffled at how strong Moms’ vitals remain. She is just skin and bones. It breaks my heart.
Just the last few days her heart beat has risen and other signs of her body shutting down have become more evident. Her friends come to visit are in disbelief that she continues to hang on. One nurse told me this week that Mom is an Enigma. Even during her visit, Mom took 3 deep breaths and we all looked at each other, as she took a few moments to breathe again. We are so thankful that she isn’t in any pain. Everyone comments at her peacefulness.

I kept a baby monitor by my bed last night…the sound was off but the lights lit up as she breathed with more lights as she got louder. I woke up to check the lights throughout the night. The worry of her getting up out of bed is in the past. I remember when she first moved in having a camera on her bed and finding her in different rooms of the house. I’ll look back at this past 9 months and it will seem like just a blink of time. I am thankful but the waiting is wearing on me, I’m getting emotionally spent. It won’t be long.