Two Toddlers in the House!

It’s almost been two weeks since my last post. Days melt together in my memory and I realize I need to keep a separate diary besides this blog. It’s Saturday morning and I awoke at 5:30 to find the light lit on the monitor . I saw that mom was up and about and so I went in and found her back in bed, giggling. She said she was laughing because she was thinking about the “Slouffie’s”. Okay? This is good, giggles. But it’s way to early to start the day. So I said, “Do you think you can sleep some more, it is too early to get up. She smiled and said ‘O yes’. So I walked out as she was still giggling. Now that is the way to start the day. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up and did my excercises and wrote a bit of the blog and than showered.

I found myself sitting in the tub with the water showering down and wondering if I had done the right thing getting mom off, almost. all her meds. She is laughing more…almost inappropriately..I mean cracking up! But than she goes to the other extreme of very dark places as you will read later. It’s so tough to know the balance. She is ‘full on’ in this disease or has she fallen into a state of depression?

Last night I gave her a body pillow to sleep with. She has complained about being lonely in her room. So last night I gave her the pillow and said “This is your bed buddy. You can hug it while you sleep" She took to it like bees to honey. “Thank you Lord”. Another inspired idea. Could this have attributed to her giggly mood this morning? She is still asleep and it’s past her usual time to get up. Michael is asleep too. It’s nice having a few moments. Ahhhhhh.

The Slouffies is a cute story. I brought out some slippers I wanted to give her and asked her the Dutch word for slippers….I repeated it but the next time I shortened the word and just said “Slouffie’s”. She laughed and laughed. She gets a kick out of me trying to speak Dutch. I understand it all but I just don’t have that Dutch accent..the kind that comes from the back of the throat.

Last Monday my granddaughter, Molly, came for a visit with her mom, my daughter Rachelle (Shell). What a joy to watch this 21 month old little girl progress in her verbal and social skills each time we get the pleasure to see her. Shell lives 2 hours away so we get to see them about 2 times a month. This is our first time being grandparents and everything you hear about having a grandchild, is multiplied by 1000 for us. We just love it.

So Monday evening, we were babysitting Molly and having a wonderful time. My mother was enjoying every minute of watching her work the little puzzles and point out the different animals on a toy that makes sounds. Molly calls her Leny. (She hasn’t added the Oma in Oma Leny yet. So it is Leny) “Come on..Leny, Come on”. Molly adores her Great Grandma very much.

Everything was going great but as the evening wore on both our ‘girls’ were getting tired. Michael took over caring for Molly and I started the process of getting mom ready for bed. It was a busy day, and I could tell mom was tired.

The day before we had some friends of hers stop by and it did not go well. It was Sunday and mom had spent the day with my sister Sylvia. They went to church and than had a brunch at Sylvia’s home. I scheduled the afternoon visit with her good friends John and Margie. Michael had questioned me about the timing knowing that Mom would be ready for a rest. I didn’t plan it well. So when Sylvia brought mom home, mom wanted to lay down. Perfect, a twenty minute nap before the arrival of our guests. She went right into a deep sleep. When our guests arrived I gently went in to wake her which I had never done before and she said she was still tired. I should have let her be, but our vistitors were waiting….(note to self -People understand)!

Mom was sitting upon the edge of the bed and soon started to ‘shake’. This has been a symptom of stress for the last year or so. I held her and said it would be fine. Tears were coming down her face and than her shakes turned to more violent jerks and gasps for air. I had never experienced this degree and called Margie and Sylvia into the room. Margie is a nurse so she took her pulse and Sylvia stroked her arm and we tried to calm her. Here three of us were discussing what to do. Sylvia was calm and said, “Let me take her for a walk”. Margie had agreed that giving her a .5 Ativan might help, which we did. After a calm sit on the swing with Syl we got Mom back into bed and she slept for a good hour and half.

We visited with John and Margie and talked about many memories and how hard it is to grow old and suffer from this disease of Dementia. Everyone left and I had felt responsible for not planning moms day better. She was just beat. I am learning that she needs less stimulation rather than more. I worry about her getting bored. She woke and was much, much better. The rest of the night went good.

The next day I had scheduled some Dutch friends for a visit. The visit went great. Mom enjoyed it very much. I had put a request into a newsletter that I was looking for some Dutch speaking companionship and got a good response from people who knew her previously in the community.
So by the time it was Molly and mom’s bedtime, mom was pretty worn out, even after a nap in the afternoon. To my surprise, she started talking about the man in the tree outside her window and how her money has been stolen…in the meantime, Molly was starting to ask for her Mommy. I thought I’d bring the two of them together but they both were very focused on asking for Mommy and my mom pulling methe opposite direction to look into the tree for the ‘man’. Michael and I just looked at each other and smiled. Two toddlers.

The next day I wondered if the Ativan we gave her had brought back the delusions and so I made a decision to not give her extra even during ‘spells’ of anxiety and the multiple delusions haven’t returned since that episode last Monday. She still has mixed ‘stories’ that don’t make sense, but she is not seeing things.

So here is the thing, these ‘shakes’ have continued, sometimes to a lesser degree but often progresses to violent ones. I have learned that it is best if she goes and rests when they begin. That sometimes does the trick. Yet as the week progressed, those stronger shakes have become more frequent and she is more distressed. I almost get to the point of taking her into Urgent Care once again and than she seems to sleep it off.

Something new has been added to the mix this past week. It started on Tuesday. She has been talking about dying. “I want to die, I am ready to go. I have asked the Lord to take me”. The first time she spoke this way it was so sad because she was crying like she was hopeless and depressed. I encouraged her to sleep. By the afternoon, Beverly was here and when mom awoke she said with a smile. “I wanted to die, but now I am ready to live again.”

So this is how the week progressed. Her talks about wanting to die is becoming a daily conversation. She is often very lucid and gives me strict orders to not take her to the hospital. “No matter what.” One night after she had been in bed for a couple of hours, she walked into the living room and scared me to death! “Oh hi Mom!” She had a sweet smile on her face and sat close beside me. I woke up singing a song “ Softly and sweetly Jesus is calling, calling for you and for me…Come home, come home..all who are weary come home…” We sat and sung the hymn through a couple of times. She looked at me and said, “I want that sung at my funeral. It is a good song to sing there”. “Okay Mom, I will write that down. And than she went back to sleep and had a restful night. I wonder how this is all going to play out...