Living in the Moment

I'm learning, slowly but surely that 'living in the moment' should be my motto. No longer will I try to explain that I am Norma her daughter or that she has lived with us for 3 weeks. Who cares if she thinks I'm a nice caretaker or she just moved in yesterday.

A few months ago, Mara, a friend who has worked in the "Elderly care" industry, reminded me, She is 'living in the moment'.

Somehow I thought ignorantly, that living with us, she would be able to have it all make sense, it would just take time. But this past week, it occurred to me that at times, she doesn't even realize I am her daughter. Even though I am present with her and 10 minutes ago, she knew who I was.

My brother gave me the advice to look at this as a 'job' in a way, not as a daughter. How could I possibly do that? But yet, that has helped me a lot. I am her full time caretaker. Of course I am her daughter and I will have the privilege of experiencing sweet moments of mother/daughter time. These moments I will treasure forever.

On the positive side, we have had some breakthroughs again this week. I have started her on a new supplement and everyday there are signs that it is having a positive effect. We played a game of Chess. She did really well! We took a walk and she wanted to step up the pace. The delusions of people in the trees have turned to shadows and clumps of leaves in the trees instead. The man running up the mountain has become people possibly taking a hike. So these are positive signs.

I took mom to the doctor on Tuesday. This doctor manages her medications. My goal is to get her completely off psychotic meds. He is a psychiatrist. He let mom talk and he quickly gathered that mom had made the move to our home since our last visit. I do my best to be a silent observer. I will speak only if the doctor asks me questions. He helped us a lot with the transition of mom moving in. This is how that all happened.

About a 7 weeks ago, I had him bring up the subject of Mom moving in with us. "Oh no, I wouldn't like that. I have my own room, I'm independent, I have my friends and Norma is so busy with her life..." On and on, she vividly laid out a good argument that it was best she stayed at Los Villas. Wow, those were good points. It was one of those lucid times that you get amazed at how part of her brain is still very sharp. So the doctor felt we should give it some time before we move her.

Yet, as a family, especially Sylvia, that saw her most mornings, would see her completely disorientated at times, crying, shaking and so confused, would agree that she needed more care than what assisted living would give. How much of this decision process should go to my mom who is in and out of reality from one moment to the next? We knew at some point we would have to come together as her kids and let her know the decision was made that it was best to make the move. When and how was this transition going to take place?

Again, prayers were answered and Mom did come to the decision on her own. Some circumstances happened where she was living...she was uncomfortable, and she was ready

to move in. Now, mind you, I have to remind her of how that all unfolded many times, especially the first couple of weeks. Where I am getting all my patience? It's the prayers, I am sure of that.

So today...it was the best morning yet. Michael and I had gone on a date night last night, so we had Betty come stay with mom. We got home at 9:30 p.m. and Mom was still wide awake. She usually is asleep by 8:30. So Betty left and she was quickly in bed and asleep after our prayer time together. (I don't think I have ever prayed so much in my life.) That's a very good side benefit. I expected her to sleep in but she was up the usual 7:30 am.

She was happy and knew where she was...first time right on the get go! I had a brainstorm the other day to write on her whiteboard that hangs by her door. The day of the week, the date when she wakes and under I wrote...."You live with Mike and Norma now." Could that have been the secret? How simple was that? Anyway, she was HAPPY, dancing and singing. We had a lovely breakfast and lunch. She sat on the patio and listened to a sermon on Podcast. Thank God for technology. It amazes mom that it's all recorded on that little ipod. Today she asked me if it ever gets full? I thought that was a very smart question.

We went shopping and I think I pushed it just past the point of it being okay. Too many stops, too hot and it took all her 'umph'? We got home and than she got confused where her room was, and where she was again...so she went to lay down after having some water and such. Let's see how she is when she wakes?