The Beginning of the End 8/24

The last two days have taken a huge turn.  Mom is very peaceful , yet she has no appetite and is staying in bed most of the time.  She is losing bladder control and tonight was the first time I changed her like a little baby.  She was having accidents yesterday, but today it's like she doesn't care. The last two mornings I have had a challenge getting her out of bed. 

This morning she was complaining I was helping her too much.  I was tying her shoes for her and she said "I can do it."  She says it with a smirk like we are imitating Molly.  Than tonight she is completely helpless.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I was urged by a couple of close friends to consider calling Hospice. One couple said call now! It was Sunday morning but their words were so compelling and I agreed it was important so I called right then. I spoke with a really nice person and they said someone would come at 9:00 am the next day!

So at 9:00 a.m. this morning, with my brother and sister, we had our first live contact with Hospice.
Mom looked very pretty and I could tell she was aware something was up.  Linda the Hospice rep was very nice but started right in with a description of the services.  Talking about making her life comfortable and developing a team to support her.  I was rather surprised it was so straight forward rather than easing into it with some evaluation questions.  Mom got visibly upset and Sylvia took her to her room. This left Michael, my brother and Linda and I.  We talked about all the incredible support they offered and signed the papers to get it going.  Sylvia eventually joined us and Michael and Jim left.  Linda was great and we made a great connection with her. 

My brother had some excellent comments.  His point was mom is concentrating too much on dying instead of living in her current state. This was so true and I began to think this big step of getting hospice involved was a bit premature and just having mom come to a change of focus and things would get better.  Once mom gets on a track about anything...it sticks.  So maybe this is just a track we can sidestep.

Sylvia gave mom a kiss and left and soon it was time for Betty to come, so I could "get some things done.
By this time mom was pretty settled in her bed and determined to stay-put.  Before Betty came, we had watched a bit of the shopping network- mom love it!  She believes she knows the people on the shows.
I tried to give her some fruit in yogurt but she took a few bites and refused to eat it.  She made a face like a little child with a scrunched nose and sticking out her tongue.  Nothing I offered sounded appetizing and she started to shake and complain of being sick.  Laying down was the best solution.

Mom eventually got up for a while and Betty and her were going to go for a drive.  Something mom normally loves to do.  I was surprised she got her excited about going.  But after a while they were sitting on the front porch and just talking together.  I had tried taking mom to the ocean for a drive they day before and she was
really excited about going and we got about 5 minutes away from home and she started shaking and complained about feeling sick so we turned around and came home.

After Betty left, Mom went to bed and she never got up again for the rest of the day into the evening.  Now she is asleep. I could not get her to eat anything but she did drink some water.  I sat with her several times and stroked her face and hair. Mom said that everyone was coming to see her and we would all be together soon. She said it was like her Birthday.  She kept her eyes closed and said she was going to die.  Once she mentioned her heart was stopping.  I took her pulse and it seemed normal.  When I managed to get her to open her eyes she smiled and seemed very 'at peace'.  We said lots of 'I love you's'.

When people see her for brief periods of time, my mom can muster up a good front.  Nothing is hidden when you are with someone 24/7.  I just don't have any idea how long a person can live when they so badly want to 'Go be with the Lord'.

The next step, once everything is approved for Hospice, is a nurse will come and do a complete medical evaluation.  Hopefully this will give me some guidance to notify my other siblings about coming to see her.

Hospice offers emotional support for the whole family.  Losing mom will be hard on all of us, especially the grandchildren.  My kids took the news hard that it is the beginning of the end.